My chest aches. My knees feel brittle. There's a pain in my right wrist and my head is cloudy, like I'm right on the verge of a big headache. And I'm tired but can't sleep. And I'm thirsty. I feel allergic to myself. And my stomach is itchy. And I gained a pound and a half last night.
I want to snap out of this. I want to want to go to kick boxing, the gym, to eat heathfully. I want to feel better. But I just feel like crap.
At work it's not so busy and I took a chance and wrote in my epdp that for me, curisosity is a luxury, I have not time to be curious and no time to act on those ideas. Hopefully that won't bite me in the ass.
Today I'm supposed to meet with an ed from pab. It feels kind of stupid to me. I should have been accepted into pab a long time ago. It's what I do. It's what I excel at- I'm a natural fit. I tried meeting her in nov and she forgot our meeting, so I also harbour strong doubts about whether she'll come or not. And I feel like my chain has been jerked enough already with them considering last spring. If this doesn't pan out, I'm moving on. No more pab.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
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